Shedding Some Light on the Darkness of Addiction

Words of Wisdom: Weekly wit from the man who's done (almost) everything wrong!

By: Sean Weeks

Addiction is a widespread problem world-wide. According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, in 2019, some 35 million people globally suffered from drug abuse and addiction requiring treatment and in 2017, about 217 million people – more than one in every 20 people aged 15-64 across the world! – had used drugs the previous year. These United Nations statistics don’t even include alcohol abuse, one of the most prevalent substances people become dependent on, nor did it include pornography, sex, or other addictions like gambling. These numbers are staggering. And scary. If we play out these numbers and include the other mentioned addictions, it is next to impossible that each one of us won’t be affected by addiction in some form or another throughout our lives.
The global pandemic of Covid-19 has only made this problem worse. Drug and alcohol abuse has increased across the world during this health crisis, but what has not increased is our understanding of the realities of this often-misconstrued behavior. Let’s talk about some of the mistaken or less-known aspects of addiction.
The first one is that you must be using hard-core drugs a lot to be considered an addict. This is false. This describes one type of addict, but the amount or type of substance or behavior being used is not how we should define whether we or someone we love is an addict. I like to use the definition that, no matter what you are doing – smoking weed occasionally, spending hours each week viewing pornography, engaging in a hobby, drinking semi-regularly – what makes it an addiction is when the behavior starts to negatively affect our lives. Maybe you don’t drink that much, but when you do, you get so hung over that you miss work. Maybe you only use cocaine once a month, but when you do, you lash out on your children in an abusive way. Maybe you smoke a little weed, but it makes you a bit forgetful and you miss bills that need to be paid. These are just examples to illustrate that, when we take a look at whether something is a problem or not, we should focus on the effects of that behavior. Substance use in and of itself does not make us an addict.
Another myth is that drugs or other substances and behaviors cause the addiction. Of course, substances and behaviors can be addictive, either chemically or mentally, but the substance in question is just the physical manifestation and outlet of an internal psychological problem that has not been dealt with in a healthy way. There is something going on inside the addict that is not being treated, and the addiction is the unhealthy way that they have chosen to pacify the problem.
This leads me to another misconception that, when the substance or behavior-use stops, the addiction is “cured.” Unless the underlying cause(s) of the addiction are treated, the addict will continue to behave like…an addict. Even when clean of substance and behavior-abuse, those addictive, unhealthy behaviors will still manifest in their lives. It is not until the addict seeks treatment and gets some recovery under their belt that those behaviors will start to be corrected. The chief behavior of the addict is dishonesty, and this will still be a part of their personality until the addict starts to do some serious self-work.
Another misunderstanding about addiction is that the addict just doesn’t want to stop. While this is true in a way which I will talk about in a minute, let me be clear here – it is not that the addict just doesn’t want to stop, it’s that they can’t stop. If conquering addiction was as easy as just wanting to stop, and then stopping, it would not be a global epidemic that affects millions. Trust me, the addict wants to stop. They don’t want to be an addict, even though they continue the behavior. In some way, they do want to keep using, but this has more to do with not having a healthy way to treat the underlying cause of the addiction, not that they are just having so much fun they don’t want to stop. They don’t want to be a slave to a substance or behavior. A few things have to be present for them to get clean and recover. Yes, they have to want to stop, but they also have to be ready to stop. They need to make that decision for themselves, not because someone else wants them to. They need help, as well. They need a strong support system that will help keep them on the right track and keep them accountable. They need sound advice, because addicts are almost incapable of making sound decisions, at least, for a while. The addict also needs access to a sound and proven method for overcoming substance and behavior-abuse. There are many resources and programs out there, just make sure that they have a proven track record. They vary greatly, and may be based on the Twelve Steps, medicine and psychology, or religion, just make sure they have a tangible, provable history of success.
Another mistake people close to the addict make is that the addict will quit for me. They won’t. They can’t. They very well may want to stop for you, the person who loves them. They very well may try, and try many times, to quit because of you, but they will fail. An addict can only stop when they are truly ready to stop. It takes an internal shift, and this usually happens when an addict hits a point known as “rock bottom.” The severity of this bottom varies from addict to addict. It can be pretty extreme, or minor by comparison. All that matters is that it was enough to cause that internal shift from not being ready to stop to ready and willing to stop. Change is painful and scary, so this “rock-bottom” and shift is usually a product of the fact that the pain experienced by remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. That is when the addict will be successful in quitting. The spouse of an addict often mistakenly thinks “I’m not a good enough person for them to want to quit for me” or “they must not love me enough, because they couldn’t quit for me.” They want to quit for you, but they can’t. It is not personal.
The last misconception I want to clean up is “once an addict, always an addict.” While it is true that it will require constant work from the addict for the rest of their life to maintain recovery, and they will always run the risk of falling back into addiction, they will most definitely be able to overcome the negative behaviors associated with addiction to become functioning, successful members of society. People may think that an addict will forever be a liar or a thief or unreliable, but this assumption is patently false. The truth is, because of what they have gone through, recovered addicts are often some of the most healthy, trustworthy, reliable people we could know. They are often honest almost to a fault and make some of the best employees and friends we could have. Because of all they have gone through, they come out of active addiction and recovery far stronger than most people. They have learned to turn their biggest flaw into an incredible strength.
Addiction is complicated, misunderstood, and wide-spread. The more we can cut through the myths and misconceptions, the more we can help those we care about or even ourselves when confronted with this challenge. We can tackle addiction with Confidence!

Want more? Listen to the episode “Love, Marriage, and Addiction”