We all love a great holiday gift, love the excitement and wonder of what special gift our spouse is getting us this year. Some of us hope and cross our fingers that they don’t forget, or that they don’t throw something together last-minute that didn’t feel like it came from the heart or that there was any thought behind it. I think that all we really want from our spouse is something well thought out and that they put their heart into it. I don’t think many of us really care about how much it cost, if anything at all!
How often do we really express that want to our spouse, though? I think many of us who are asked what we want usually casually respond with “nothing really, just a good day with you”, or something along those lines. How often does our spouse really do nothing, though? Is it out of fear that we will get upset if they don’t spend a pretty penny on something, or fear that they have to up the ante from the year before or you’ll be disappointed? How often are gifts to us or our spouse given because that’s what we really want to do? How often is it out of fear of failure?
I love a great gift just as much as the next person. I also know that some of my most memorable gifts didn’t necessarily cost a lot, but were the ones I could tell my husband really put his heart into, planned, and really thought it out. Does this mean I expect extravagant gift every holiday? Nope, one of the best gifts I have ever gotten from him was a beautiful poem he wrote.
Not all of us are poetic people who can write some great literary work to give to our spouse. That is ok and not the point I am really trying to make here. Where I am going with this is that our spouse is one of the most important people in our lives. We appreciate them and they are our partner. We should not be working out of fear when we gift them. We should be working from a place of love and appreciation. We should be putting a little time, love, and thought into what we do for them, whether it costs nothing or thousands.
There is a yellow Victorian armchair sitting in my office. It’s ugly, and you could not pay me to take it if you offered it to me. It isn’t even close to any of the décor in my home, but I love it! It was my great-grandmother’s, and it has her written all over it. Every time I look at it, I smile. I put it in the room that I spend the most time in. How many of the things do you have that have been with you for years, not necessarily because you “love” it so much, but that you love it because it means something to you?
These are the things that stay with us for years. These are the things we pass on to our children, then our grandchild, and so on, as long as it will hold up. When we are looking at what to gift to our spouse, keep in mind that what matters most is that you put YOU into it, that you took the time to understand them, and do something meaningful.
Think about the things your spouse really loves and see if you can find something unique to get them. Maybe they love cooking; get them an engraved cutting board. Maybe they have been having back pain; give them a full body massage. Perhaps they love music; make them a love playlist of the songs that make you think of them. If they love to dance, set up a dance party for just the two of you. There are so many ways you can create an amazing gift that are not overly pricey, but that come from your heart.
If you or your spouse is not a great gift-giver, you can help make your husband or wife better at it! One way is to make an Amazon wish list. As you come across things you would like, add them to your list! If you have some free time to browse Amazon and add things, do it! This serves as a great starting point for your spouse, and ties into the suggestion we gave on episode 25 “Perfectly Imperfect”, where we talk about spontaneous everyday gift-giving and showing love and appreciation. This makes knowing the kinds of things you like or want really easy for the spouse who has a really hard time finding the right thing. Yes, this contradicts me when I encourage your spouse to plan, think through, and do something from the heart. I have noticed, though, that when your spouse has something to start with, they are able to run with that and start coming up with better things. They will even be able to add to it with sweet gestures. It allows them to really get to know you so they can get their creative juices flowing in the right direction. Even when running off a wish list, it shows your spouse you care about them and what they want. You are paying attention to their wants and you are trying to understand them better.
I think we put too much pressure on ourselves when it comes to gifts for holidays. Plan early, give yourself time to sort out the details, and put your love into it. You’ll win every time, Confidently!
Want more? Listen to the episode “Perfectly Imperfect Marriages AND a bonus The Ultimate Gift Guide, A foolproof way for gift giving on any occasion!”