Intentionally Intentional! (Pun Intended)

Words of Wisdom: Weekly wit from the man who's done (almost) everything wrong!

By: Sean Weeks

 

There are many important concepts that are common to many marriage and relationship forums, podcasts, and websites. Some become buzzwords that are thrown out there over and over. While they are often said, they are rarely explained. How can we apply these important concepts if we do not understand them? Moreover, after we define them, we need to know how to institute them in the multi-faceted aspects of our relationships and personal lives. One of these buzzwords we hear all the time is intentionality. Be intentional in your marriage. Be intentional as a parent. Be intentional in your personal life. Sounds great, and it is great if you can be intentional in all these aspects of your life, but what is intentionality and how does it apply to your life?

Oxford Languages defines intentional as “done on purpose; deliberate”. They go on to define intentionality as “the quality of mental states (e.g., thoughts, beliefs, desires, hopes) that consists in their being directed toward some object or state of affairs”. Let me boil this down for you. When you are being intentional, you are doing something on purpose. You are choosing to do it for a reason you have decided on. Intentionality, in my opinion, is then taking a series of deliberate actions and a deliberate way of thinking, and using these actions and thoughts to make a specific goal reality. Intentionality is the opposite of complacency. Rather than taking a thing for granted, you are making choices and taking actions every day to keep something or attain something.

Now that we have a clear definition of this buzzword, how does it apply to our life and relationship? If we are not being intentional about who we want to be or how we love in our relationship, then we are leaving these parts of our life open to stagnation and complacency. We shut ourselves off from growth. Everything we have that is worth having takes constant work to keep. If we gain wealth, but stop working to maintain that wealth, it will eventually be depleted. So it goes for personal growth, our home-life, and love in our marriages or relationships. We need to be taking constant, deliberate actions in order to maintain or reach our goals. In our homes, we need to be intentional about affecting our environment in a positive way. We need to be intentional about being a leader and role-model for our partner and our children, if we have kids. In our personal lives, we need to be deliberate and purposeful about our morals and making sure we are living by them. We need to take action steps to consistently be moving towards our goals in personal growth. In relationships, love is a choice. It is not just a feeling and we can not take it for granted. We need to be making willful choices to take tangible action to show our partner that love. Assuming that love is just “there” will not make it so. Feelings change, but our choices are what make something forever. We must show through intentional action that we love. We must make the decision on purpose to love our spouse every day.

Now that we know what intentionality is and why it is vital, how do we put it into practice? I’ll give you a few examples, because everyone’s lives and relationships are different. Try to focus on the principle behind my examples rather than the specifics of them. In our homes, we might practice intentionality by jumping in after work and helping with chores to lower the stress level in the home. We might use a calm tone and do something sweet for our partner when things are tense, thereby leading by example to change the vibe in the home. Whatever the action taken, there should be deliberate thought about the state of the home, and concrete actions taken to improve that environment. These thoughts and actions should be constant and consistent. With our personal growth, let’s say we want to be more humble. Just saying “I will be more humble” will not make it so. Think about, on a regular basis, what would make you humble. Take the action-steps of listening to other opinions on things and consider them with equal weight as you would consider your own opinion. Be ready and able to admit when you are wrong. These thoughts and actions will lead you to your goal. In your relationship, wake up every day with the mindset that you are choosing to love your partner. Think regularly about how your partner feels and receives love. Take consistent actions that will show your partner that love on their terms. Proceed with the intentional, conscious thought that, even though you may be pissed off at them in the moment, you have made a choice and a commitment to love them for life no matter what. These are just a few examples, but you get the idea.

Intentionality is not just a buzzword. It is an important cornerstone in the foundation of your relationship, and also in your life. It should become a way of life and a mindset that should be persistent in all that you do. Here’s the thing-you also have to be intentional about being intentional. What?! Yes! Be intentional about being intentional. Put conscious thought and deliberate actions into being intentional in all aspects of your life. Your goals won’t achieve themselves and no one wants to fall into complacency. That is incredibly detrimental to growth, improvement, and happiness. Be Confident and be intentional in all that you do! 

Want more? Listen to the episode “Being Intentional In Your Marriage. What Does That Even Mean?”